- Make the difference between urgent requests and things that can wait
- Hire help when needed for groceries, shopping and housecleaning
- Keep away non-urgent phone calls with iPhone setups
- Make sure your parents are safe with the Parents are Ok app
Dealing with aging parents is not always easy. And this happens when they start texting you for everything, starting from an unfunctional remote control to scheduling doctor appointments. If you don’t want to end up overwhelmed and always tired, it is important to start setting boundaries with aging parents.
This may sound easier said than done. However, if you want a functional family, you need to decide who does what. Also consider drawing clear boundaries. We approached this subject in this article to help you avoid burnout.
How to Draw Healthy Boundaries
Imagine sitting at home with your family, on a Sunday morning, and your dad calls because he needs his medicine. Even if you already went to the pharmacy on Thursday and called to ask what he needed. Of course, when repeated, this becomes annoying.
This is a clear example of a situation that requires setting a boundary. Instead of complaining about calling last minute, you can draw limits like this: “I went to the pharmacy on Thursday. I will go again next Thursday. If you need something in between, use GoGoGrandparent as we discussed.”
Setting boundaries with aging parents starts with limits. Here are different scenarios where you can practice.
How to Handle Requests
For aging parent, everything is urgent. And most happen early on Sunday morning. Furthermore, if you don’t fulfil their request as soon as possible, they will most probably take the matter into their own hands, and this can lead to serious injury or hospitalization.
So, what can you do? Because taking care of two households is not a solution in the long run.
It is good to know that for these types of requests, you can hire non-medical caregivers for around $40 per hour. This includes housekeeping, laundry and errands. If, let’s say, your parents need this kind of help for around 3 hours per week, it means around $500 a month.
How to Handle Availability
Maybe one of the most uncomfortable times to receive a phone call from your parent is at work, when you are in an important meeting. It can be just to tell you something random, but what if something bad actually happened?
Setting boundaries with aging parents can be done as it follows, so you can carry on with your workday knowing they are ok:
- Set up your phone. If you own an iPhone, go to Settings – Focus – and select the mode you use for the working hours. Then go to People – Allow Repeated Calls. If the same number calls again within 3 minutes, the second call rings.
- Set a preestablished message. You can also set a preestablished message to use when you decline your parent’s phone call: “I’m in a meeting. I’ll check the message after 5. If something is urgent, call twice.”
- Set up a phone-activity app. Instead of morning check-ins, which in most cases are not a proper conversation but a new chance to argue about something. The Parents are OK app confirms that your parent used the phone. If the phone is left untouched for several hours or if the battery is about to drain, you receive an alert.
How to Avoid Guilt
Guilt is one of the main reasons caregivers refuse to hire help and decide to do everything for their parents themselves. This usually happens because there are no boundaries and parents keep demanding things.
This means that the best way to avoid guilt is to set boundaries. If there are several siblings involved, make sure everyone does something. This AARP study shows that women account for 61% of family caregivers. But this doesn’t mean that the sister is the sole responsible for the aiging parent.
A good way to share responsibilities is through a shared Google Doc. Let everyone choose the tasks they can fulfil. This way, every member of the family helps with something and makes things easier.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries with aging parents can make a difference between actual help and total chaos. If you are a caregiver, it doesn’t mean you must be available 24/7 for your parents. You need to make things work for everyone.
