- See the truth behind “I am fine”
- Have an honest talk about their condition
- Find the best solutions together
- Respect your own limits and time
1 in 4 adults in US families are caregivers. This means that 1 in 4 adults helps one or several of their close family members, takes care of his/her own family at the same time, and has a full-time job. If you find yourself in this scenario, you understand how much stress is involved.
When everyone wants something from you, it’s hard to find time to relax. This is why you need to make a viable plan to help and handle aging parents without the cost of your own health and sanity.
So, instead of accepting every chore your mom or dad gives you (even if “they are doing fine”), start analyzing your current situation. Helping your aging parents should not turn into a part-time job. We will teach you how to prevent this from happening.
How to Help and Handle Aging Parents Who Say They’re Fine
Studies show that 4 out of 5 adults over 50 want to stay in their own house even after they grow older. And who wouldn’t? This is why they find it hard to accept the reality of their condition and always say they are fine, no matter how hard it is for them to look after themselves. This is why, at some point, the kids become their safety net.
The first step in learning how to help and handle aging parents is to debunk the “I am fine” myth. You can do this by observing them for one or two weeks. Keep these questions in mind:
- Are they able to move by themselves from one place to another?
- Do they pay the bills monthly? or Do they forget about them?
- Can they use technology by themselves? or Do they call you on a regular basis?
Besides looking out for themselves, you also need to know if they really are fine. Adults who can look after themselves rarely ask for help. And they can even get frustrated if you call them daily just to check on them. In this case, the Parents are OK app is the best tool for keeping in touch with your parents without being annoying.
Your parents need to access the link to install it, and that’s about it. There is nothing else they need to do because the app runs quietly in the background. And it only sends notifications to the child or caregiver if there is no phone activity for 24 hours or if the phone battery runs low.
Parents who can look after themselves are the best-case scenario. But what happens if the answers to all these questions reveal a problem?
How to Address the Problem to Your Parents
It’s hard to address living conditions, as most aging parents react negatively when the topic is brought up. There are only a few elders who take it lightly and accept that they can no longer look after themselves.
And, in fact, it is really difficult for someone who has lived for most of their lives in that house to accept that they are no longer safe. Once you understand this, you can have a respectful conversation.
It also helps to express your worries clearly. Once they understand the risks, you can offer solutions:
- Someone to clean the house twice a month;
- A neighbor or company who can deliver groceries;
- Installing extra lights on the stairs and in the bathroom;
- Remove all the small rugs from the house.
Let them express their point of view and adjust the solutions where appropriate.
Make a Clear Plan for In Case of Emergency Situations
Life happens, and health is not something we have forever. And when major problems happen fast, it is a good idea to be prepared. As hard as it may be, it is also important to talk to your parents about signing a power of attorney. It is extremely important to plan it together.
Agreeing on the paperwork is easier as long as they don’t limit their decision-making. Decide on the boundaries together and give your parents space to think about it.
Guard Your Own Limits
Resentment builds up when you forget about your own limits. Looking after two households and having a full-time job is time-consuming. Not to mention that the more time you spend at your parents’ home, the less time you spend with your family.
So, the first need that needs to go is the structural stuff. These services may seem pricey at first. However, they help you prevent burnout. Not to mention that the time you spend doing all these chores isn’t free at all. They come with a really high price: your own sanity and health.
Setting Your Boundaries
One thing is for sure. You have a life of your own, and you need to respect it. So this means that you cannot be available for late-night calls where your parents vent about something that is not a real emergency. You are also allowed to rest or refuse to do something that is not realistically urgent.
Learning how to help and handle aging parents can feel impossible sometimes. But, in the end, it is not about taking over their lives. What you need to do is provide support so they can live in their house without overwhelming yourself. Don’t forget to have honest talks with your parents.
